Kayla Grace Kovanda

Here I sit in a quiet, empty house, with my sweet baby girl sleeping soundly in her bassinet. So, blog, here I go...

Our beautiful miracle baby was born last Wednesday, September 1st at 8:52pm! She weighed 5lbs, 11 oz and was 19 inches long.

The last 10 days have been some of the most incredible days of my life. Maybe I am in the "honeymoon" phase of being a new mom, but I love everything about being a mom. Snuggles with my sweet girl, even the late night feedings and sleepless nights. It's all worth it when I look into her eyes and am reminded each time that life is truly a gift-and one that we can't or shouldn't take for granted.

May 1st of this year, we weren't sure if we would ever get to hold and love on our sweet girl. We committed her into the Lord's hands each day and prayed that we would have the privilege and opportunity to get to raise her. God always answers our prayers-but sometimes they are not as WE would hope. Just 4 months later, on September 1st, He answered our prayers as we had hoped as we welcomed her into this world.

He answered our prayers in more ways than we could have hoped for. I feel unworthy and so blessed to have this opportunity. Each time I look at her, I just can't believe He has entrusted her to us. What a privilege and responsibility.

It is strange not being pregnant. Besides the stress of not knowing if everything was going to be ok, I really loved being pregnant. It was such an amazing experience to feel her growing and moving inside me. Now, sometimes, I look at where my belly was and wonder if it will move. Ha!

My labor and delivery went pretty well. We ended up going up to the hospital in the very early hours of the morning on the 1st because I was having really bad upper abdominal pain, and I wasn't sure what it was. By the time we got to the hospital, I was having more contractions, but baby's heart rate dropped. The doctor didn't want me to go home as I was over 38 weeks. And of all weeks...my doctor was on vacation. After all we had been through-and now he wasn't here to deliver my baby. I was devastated, but realized that everything happens in God's timing, and for some reason, His timing was for us to have this baby without our doctor. We were so thankful for Dr. Hilton, though-he was great!

Anyway, I had to be induced, which baby's heart rate didn't like. I was taken off the pit at one point for her to recover. I labored for a few hours without my epidural, but with the pit, the contractions were coming really intensely, every 2ish minutes. He said it could take all day. I decided at that point that if I wanted to have any energy left for delivery, I needed some medication! Dr. Fern was right, though. He said the pain I experienced from my ovarian torsion would be worse than my labor and delivery. I would take the labor and delivery pain over my torsion pain any day!

Once we let her heart rate recover, they put me back on the pit and increased it very slowly. It took most of the day to dialate from a 2 to a 4. By 7pm, the doctor came and broke my water. Within 10 minutes, I was dilated to a 9! Things started happening very fast. There are several details I don't really need to go in to, but I ended up pushing for about an hour and a half, and Kayla arrived at 8:52pm! I was so thankful to have had her vaginally. There were several points throughout the day that pointed to us possibly having a c-section. Let's just say it was a very real possibility. I ended up having a placental abruption (which is what was causing my bleeding all day), and that was another reason he wanted to get my labor going.

She is beautiful. She is loved. Her grandparents and aunt and uncle were there to welcome her into this big world. Mommy's heart couldn't get any fuller than when I watched her daddy hold her and then give her to me for the first time. I will never forget that moment as long as I live.

So for now, we eat, we sleep and she poops a lot. :) We love. And then love some more. We count it all joy for we know that "every good and perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the father of lights" James 1:17

Lots of thoughts today...

I don't know how to begin this entry...there are so many things going through my mind.

This week there will be some big changes in not only our family, but our extended family! My new little niece or nephew will be entering the world any day now! I can't wait to hold and squeeze and love on that little one! We continue to pray for their safe arrival, and for the entire family as they adjust to 4 little ones around now!! Justin and Bridgett are amazing parents, and it is so neat to see how God has blessed them with three wonderful children already!

I will be completely off bed rest on Friday. This is a very strange thing to think about. For 16 weeks (basically 4 months) I have either been on complete bed rest or modified bed rest. I haven't ran my vacuum, or done any cleaning besides what I can easily get to on the surface. I haven't worked in my yard, put together the nursery, or done any canning. I haven't driven anywhere besides to the pool, and haven't been grocery shopping, or much of any shopping for that matter! I haven't worked out, or ran. But, with my mom, mother-in-law, sister and husband's help, a lot has gotten done.

I have learned to let people help me. This is a hard concept for me. I thrive on helping and serving others-it is a way I speak love to people. To accept help has always been a hard and foreign concept to me. I have tended to feel guilty or that I needed to repay someone if they helped me out. But these past four months, I have learned that it is actually a gift to let people help you, and it's really an act of selfishness when you are too proud to ask for or allow help. When you allow someone else to help you-it not only blesses you, but blesses them because they WANT to serve you.

I have done a few projects: worked on my picture books, done some crocheting and cross stitching, read books and magazines, slowing organized parts of the house. I have been "shopping" at Babies R Us in a wheelchair, and been to several doctor appointments in Spokane. I have read to and prayed over our little girl.

To know I will basically have no restrictions after Friday is exciting and scary all at the same time. Exciting, because I can't wait to finish putting her room together, do some more of her laundry, and get our home ready for baby. Exciting because I can hopefully check a few things off my "list" before she comes. Exciting because that means we could be meeting our baby girl any day!

Scary for some of the same reasons above. I am not scared for labor for me, but for her. Just nervous and hoping that everything will go ok and that I will be able to deliver, even with my weakened body state. Nervous that something will happen during labor--and that I really have no control over any of it. But this is where my trust and faith must step in. This is where the rubber meets the road, so to speak. The Lord has brought us to this point, and He won't give us anything more than He knows we can handle.

It is also an interesting concept to wrap my mind around the fact that I won't have to be nervous when I start getting contractions after Friday. Now, I'm up for a couple hours in the morning, and then I have to be down. If I"m up for too long in the afternoon/evening, I start getting more and more contractions-and after Friday, I won't have to sit down when that happens! It will be like retraining my body/mind.

I've also been thinking a lot about the baby we lost last year. A part of my heart will always ache for that little one that we won't meet until heaven someday. This baby doesn't "replace" him or her--and it's so hard when people ask "is this your first?" Sometimes I respond with "we lost one last year" and sometimes I say "yes" because I just don't want to explain myself. But this is our second child, and that is how I see it. When I see babies that are 10 months old (or around that age) right now, I think of our sweet baby. While I am so thrilled to meet this little girl, it only continues to remind me of how much I miss our first little one.

There are other things on my heart as well, but I suppose this is getting long, and you all don't want to know about ever detail of my life. I think I just needed a sounding board this morning. Thank you to each one of you who are so important to us! It has definitely been kind of a "lonely" time for me, and I appreciate all of you who keep pursing me!

I know our lives are about to dramatically change-and we couldn't be more excited. We just hope and pray that the Lord gives us wisdom in knowing what to do in this next stage of life!

What's in a Name?

Our time is finally nearing of getting to meet our sweet baby girl! We are beyond thrilled and can not wait!

Although, we still can not settle on a name. This just seems like such a BIG decision, you know?! We are choosing what this girl will be know by. What people will call her, what she will say when she introduces herself.

Will it fit her?
Will people be able to spell and pronounce it?
Will it be "cute" while she is young, yet "cool" when she is in Jr. High, and still "professional" when she goes to interview for her first job?
Will it have a special meaning--especially with all that she has already been through?
Will it go well with her married name someday?
Will she like it?

How do you make that final decision? That's where we are at. We have several that we like, and that we feel like would fit her, but we just can't make that final decision. I don't really want to wait to "see" her, because she will look like whatever we decide to name her, right?

Ah, just one of the many decisions you get to make as a parent. But I feel like this is a big one-and I don't want to mess it up! Any suggestions out there?!?! :)

Only a few weeks left...in fact, we could start counting days! 8 more of modified bed rest--and then who knows when she will make her appearance! Let's just hope we can get her name picked out soon!!

Mrs. Buck

My kindergarten teacher passed away this last month. She was a dear lady with a huge heart. I also had the privilege of growing up with her in my church and neighborhood, so I knew her on several different levels.

I was unable to attend her memorial service, but am so thankful to know that she is in a better place, where she is no longer suffering. It is just a temporary goodbye for us here on earth, but we will see her again!

Over the past few weeks, I have been thinking about the impact she has had on my life. Have you ever really stopped to think about the importance of a kindergarten teacher? It's probably the teacher we remember and thank the least, but is one of the most important.

They are you first real connection to the world outside of your family.

That first day of kindergarten I had no idea what to expect. Would I miss home? Would I make friends? What would I learn? I timidly walked into the classroom, found my desk and said goodbye to my mom. Would I ever see her again?! I looked around at all the faces, and saw so many of them with the same concerns and questions!

To be honest, there are very few things I remember about kindergarten. I remember learning letters and numbers, nap time, recess-you know, all the important things in life, right?

Most of all, though, I remember my teacher. She was patient, kind, gentle, loving, patient (did I mention that?) and cared about EACH one of us. She was a teacher because she cared about us-she loved us as if we were her own kids. She invested in us. She showed us what life was like outside our homes and started us on this amazing journey called school. She determined whether or not we moved onto that next big stage of going to school EVERY day (1st grade).

Did I ever really thank her? You know-REALLY thank her-for the impact she had on my life? Did I ever really let her know how grateful I was to her for all that she did for me in that very impressionistic year of my life?

I don't know if I did. Now I will have to wait till heaven-and by then, it won't really matter. So I hope today, as she is looking down on us that she can know how grateful I am to her and all that she did for me.

Thank a teacher today--I know that sounds so cliche--but honestly--thank one of those teachers that has had an impact on your life, for you never know when you might not have the chance.

Thank you Mrs. Buck for the impact you had on my life, and for all the lessons (school & life) that you taught me!

Preggo pictures!

4 months-20 weeks

5 months-24 weeks

6 months-28 weeks

7 months-32 weeks

So I have had some requests for pictures on here, so I will attempt to do better. Here is the pregnancy progression, if you will! We had a good report on Friday again-she is just measuring about a week and a half small. So I get to eat ice cream! Yep, that's what he told me!

I am continuing to swim, and really enjoying the "exercise." So thankful she is 34 weeks old on Friday! Three more weeks, and then I am considered full term, and won't have to have any restrictions! Yay! We set up the bassinet this weekend, and we can't wait for her to use it!

The Night

So I think I have forgotten what it is like to sleep through the night. I suppose this is a good thing since you don't get to do that when you have a newborn anyway! I haven't slept through the night since about week 6. :)

The surgery just heightened that, as I have been told I need to be drinking at least 3 quarts of water a day-post surgery. Plus, baby has been head down, dropped, in position since about week 28. This calls for a few trips to the restroom in the middle of the night.

I have to laugh because it is definitely God's way of preparing moms to be up all night!

Nighttime is strange. I've never really thought too much about it until I've been up in it more often. It is strange how the same rooms, in the same house can take on a completely different effect. You can feel so alone, as it seems like the whole world is sleeping while you are not. I read an interesting section in my devotional book the other day that kind of pertained to this. It has had me thinking, so I thought I would just type it here rather than try and explain it:

"Sleep deprivation is one of the tools Satan uses to gain control over our thoughts. Fatigue increases feelings of frustration and irritability. Often at night we feel alone because the distractions of the day are gone. We are separated from friends and family. It is then that the prince of darkness makes his strongest attacks on our faith. He will use those times when we are most vulnerable to lure us into darkness.

It is in the dark times of life that we discover the depth of our relationships withe the Lord. Do we trust Him even when we can't see any evidence of His presence? Do we know He is there even when the silence muffles His voice?"

Then she goes on to talk about why it is important that we have scripture memorized, to combat this "darkness." Some interesting thoughts...

I think this is very fitting, not only for pregnant/new moms who aren't getting much sleep, but for anyone else that might suffer from sleep deprivation!

How thankful I am that we are not "alone" ever-that we always have the presence of the Lord with us even in the darkest (literally) times of life!

That's all from me at this sleep deprived state at midnight!

Swimming!

We had a good doctor's report last Friday, and everything is still looking good. The best news is that he gave me permission to go swimming! I was so excited because after laying around for 11 weeks, I am starting to feel very weak-in ways I never have before. It's a strange feeling.

So, I was so excited that he told me I could go to the pool. I am still on modified bed rest-for me-meaning I can get up a few hours a day-depending on how I'm feeling and how the contractions are coming on.

I've had a few scary days-where I have more than I should, but my body seems to always calm down. We are so thankful for each week that passes-meaning that Cupcake has grown that much more.

I LOVE being pregnant-
I love feeling her move
I love knowing that God has chosen me as a vessel to grow this baby for His purposes
I love feeling her kicks, jabs and stabs-knowing that she is growing stronger with each one
I love the blessing that God has allowed us to become pregnant, and stay pregnant through all that we have been through
I love that I can talk and sing to her-knowing that she hears me
I love it when other people want to talk to her or feel her move
I love that she is almost 32 weeks old, and that we are 11 weeks out from surgery-she is a FIGHTER!
I love that God has a big plan for this little one, and that we are blessed to be a part of that

The only part I don't love is the moments when I am having a lot of contractions, and so it sends me into the state of "mommy worry." :) Then I am reminded that I don't need to worry-I just need to trust and have faith that God IS in control-of EVERY detail, and every moment.

Other than that-I am loving every moment-and cherishing it-as I know there are so many women out there who don't get the chance to feel what this miracle is like. My heart aches for them, and I pray that I will never take the miracle of pregnancy for granted.