As I drink my first pumpkin spice latte of the season, I reflect on being a mom.
It is by far been one of the biggest blessings in my life. Kayla is a true gift from God that we don't deserve, but have been blessed with. I can't imagine my life without her. Ben and I's love for each other has only grown as we realize we have even more love to give to our sweet daughter.
Is is also the biggest sacrifice I have ever had to make.
Being a parent has humbled me. There is someone else in my life now that needs my time and attention. She is completely dependent on me to meet her needs, 24 hours a day. (Thankfully she loves to sleep about 10-11 of those hours at night!)
It doesn't matter if I want to do this or that, if she needs something, I serve her. It doesn't matter if I want to sleep in, or if I want to go work out, her needs must be met first. It doesn't mean that I still don't make time for "me" things (because I think that is SUPER important for the mental health of being a mommy!!), but the focus changes.
I have always wanted to be a wife and mother. Just ask my mom. I "played house/mommy" ever since I was old enough to walk. The Lord laid that desire on my heart years ago.
So I was ready for that big change, the change of being a parent, and yet, there are days that take me by surprise.
There are days...
...when I would love to just run to the gym and work out without having to arrange for a babysitter.
...when I would love to go meet a friend for coffee without the distraction of a baby
...when I would love to be able to help others with acts of service when they need it
...when I would love to take a last minute trip and leave my responsibilities behind
I think it is human to have these emotions. To sometimes feel "tied" to home. While it is a blessing, it is a sacrifice.
Most days, I serve with joy and am so thankful for the blessing he has given me. After all I went through during my pregnancy, I am even more in tue with this!
But I am only human, and also have days when I miss my freedom.
But I wouldn't change it for the world.
God has called us to the great commission. To take the gospel to the world. I want to stand before him someday and know that I did all that he called me to do.
The great commission starts in our home. Our marriage, and then our children. The children that he entrusts to me are given to me for a purpose. By His grace, I am to guide and direct them in His ways, and pray and trust that they will grow up knowing and loving Him, serving Him all the days of their lives.
That is a heavy calling. A blessing. A sacrifice. But ultimately, I want my life to be a reflection of Him. I want my life to point others to Him. Not to me, but to HIS name be the glory.
We all have the same amount of time in our days. We all get 24 hours. What we do with our time, is determined by what we prioritize. We can all make excuses that we didn't have time to do "this or that," but ultimatley, it's all about what we prioritize. We WILL live out our priorties!
Sometimes mine are out of whack. I so often priortize the things that I (in caps!) want to do. Instead, do I pray for the wisdom to prioritize the things HE wants me to do.
Does HE come first. THEN my husband, THEN my children, THEN my family, THEN my friends?
So often not. That takes sacrifice. Sometimes a sacrifice that I'm not willing to make.
So during this time of sacrifice, I pray that my selfishness with not blind others to His truth.
By his Grace, I go. Some days I fail. Some days He has to remind me of the same lessons over and over. But by his grace and forgiveness, I go forward, thankful for a fresh start each day.