Thursday, February 24, 2011


This is the second night in a row I haven't been able to sleep. I wake up at 2am WIDE awake, ready for the day.

It's amazing how fast the time flies during the day-when there seems to never be enough hours in the day, and how slow time creeps in the middle of the night when you feel as if the rest of the world is sleeping.

I've got a bad cold again, and I'm exhausted from taking care of my sweet baby who has been sick/teething for over two weeks now. All I want is some sleep, and my body won't let me.

So after an hour of laying in bed, thinking of all the things I wanted to do today when the rest of the world wakes up, I decided I might as well get up and do some of them. Maybe now that my head is cleared, I can sleep?

It takes me back to my days in the hospital after my emergency surgery last year. I couldn't sleep then because of the medication, because of the pain, because of the worry. So thankful to be on this side of that. I will take this kind of insomnia over that any day!

I laugh as I remember taking a sleeping pill one night in the hospital. They really wanted me to get some sleep, so they gave me the whole pill. You can ask my husband, mom and sister what I was like the next day. A little on the weepy/crazy side. Note to self-never take a sleeping pill. ha!

Well, here's to maybe a couple more hours of sleep yet tonight?

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Strike Two

Well, I was three weeks away from running my first half marathon when I get the news that I can no longer run more than two miles at a time.

This is the second race that I have trained for, only to be shopped short of my goal. The first time around, it was because I got pregnant, and my body couldn't handle the running. (Which was a GREAT reason.)

This time it is as a result of having a baby, and trying to run too much, too soon after giving birth. Wouldn't you know!

I'm beginning to wonder if I'm not cut out for it. Ha!

Running a half marathon is on my "bucket list." It is something I have secretly wanted to do for some time now.

When visiting with my Doctor, he asked if I had been feeling ok while training. I really had been feeling great, up until my 8 mile run. After that run, I could tell my body was telling me I might be doing a little too much. A visit to my amazing doctor (I really consider him like a grandpa to me-a man who saves both mine and my daughter's lives holds a special place in my heart!), we concluded that I needed to let my body completely recover.

Ah, disappointment. Many emotions ran though my head as I processed the news.

First I was mad at myself that I had decided to start training. I honestly didn't think I was pushing myself too hard. He made me feel better when he told me, "if I had been on bed rest for four months, I probably would have signed up for a half marathon too." :) Then I realized, no, I can't beat myself up about a decision I made that I thought was right at the time. We all do that, right? Make decisions we thing are right/good, and sometimes they end up not being the best. But the past is the past, and we can't change that. We must more forward and live today that the Lord has made!

Then I was disappointed. For the past two and a half months, I have carved time into my schedule (with a baby, and a very busy husband) to go on runs. Had I just wasted so much of my time running the 90ish miles I have since Christmas?

Then I realized, no it was fun for me. Some of you may laugh at that. Running? Fun? It was good for me. It was a way for me to get out of the house and do something for myself. I think it is very important to do this as a mom, otherwise, you can get consumed in your roll only as a mommy. I knew I needed something like this to keep me well rounded, to be a better wife, AND mommy!

Then I felt bad because I was leaving my running buddy up in the air to do 13.1 miles on his own. It has been a lot of fun training with my brother-in-law, Dave. He is such a great guy, and it has been fun getting to know him better. You wouldn't think we would have the same pace, but quite frankly, we do! We are great running buddies! So, here I am, leaving him high and dry. He was nothing but supportive of the decision I had to make though.

Then I realized, wait, my Dr. said I could run 2 miles a couple times a week, so I am going to pace him on the last two miles of the race. I am really hoping they will let me do that. If not, I will still be there with my sign, smile and loudest cheering voice. I just might be his biggest fan that day. (Sorry, Shelb!)

If he can complete that, by himself (which I know he will), I will be so proud of him because I can't imagine doing something like that by myself. I am praying the Lord gives him extra strength during the race as I won't be there to help him through those tough miles.

So, strike two. Will I have the opportunity to do it again? I hope so. I see my doctor again in a couple of months, and I hope I get a green light. If not, I guess I will just continue to heal, and look forward to next years race season.

I guess that's why a bucket list is a list of things you want to do before you die. It doesn't mean they will get done on "our timing." As is life, right? So often I plan and scheme and decided this is what will be done here and now, and then God says, "wait, are you letting me be in control of every area of your life?"

Such a hard lesson for me to learn, apparently. So, for now, I sit back, and wait. I sit back and be still. I sit back and do what's best for myself and my family and put my desires on the back burner. Life is not about me anyway.

If anyone wants to come help me cheer Dave on, 10:00am, next Saturday, March 5th down at the Wawawaii landing on the river!!

Friday, February 4, 2011

A Worker At Home

This has been on my heart in the past few days. I recently read over some notes from a Bible Study I attended for a short time at Faith Community Bible Church in Boise. A very wise woman (Patty!) shared some thoughts about being a Homemaker. I have done some reflecting and on Titus 2, and these are some combined thoughts!

Titus 2:4-5
"These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, to live wisely and be pure, to take care of their homes, to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. Then they will not bring shame on the word of God."

There are seven instructions for women in these verse:

1. Love your husband
2. Love your children
3. Be sensible (live wisely)
4. Be pure
5. Be workers at home
6. Be kind (do good)
7. Be submissive to your husbands

Love your husband~How does one love your husband? There are different meanings to the word love.

Agape-brotherly love-true love-sacrificial love
Eros-passionate love
Philia-friendship love
Storge-natural affection (like a parent to a child)

This word has so much power behind it. There are times when it can be overused, and loose it's value. There are also times when it is never said-from a parent to a child, from spouse to spouse, from friend to friend and it has a life-long effect. Then there are times when it is finally said- when someone has been waiting their whole life to hear it-and when they finally do, it means more than they ever imagined it would.

What about those people that are single, and desire to be married? I struggle with this-especially since I have some incredible single women in my life that desire to "love" a husband.

Love your Children~

The root of this is the "storge" love-the natural affection that a parent has for a child. I never understood this until I was pregnant with our first child. When we lost our baby, I felt as if a part of me was gone too. I had a love for this baby that I couldn't explain, even though I had never held it in my arms. Now, with Kayla, I feel this love again. It is a different love from the love I have for my husband, family, for my friends.

Again, what do women do with this command that are not able to bear children. Another struggle I have. I have women in my life that desire to have this "love" for one of their own, and yet, for some reason, they are not able to have a child.

So are they commanded to love the "children" in their lives? The children that they are around? What about their desire to have their own?

Be Sensible (Wise)~

This can encompass so many things! When I think about being "sensible," I think about having common sense. For some reason, the idea of spending money comes to mind on this one. Being the main caretaker of the home, I tend to be the one that purchases most things for the house. Being wise and sensible to me means making sure I am buying what is needed, and not always what is "wanted." Being a shopper-I sometimes struggle with this. But before each purchase, I should ask myself, do we really need this?

The verse also comes to mind about asking the Lord for wisdom. Being a wife and mother can be a daunting task. You are constantly making decisions, all day, every day. Like right now-as I type-my baby has awoken from her nap, and I am trying to let her cry herself back to sleep. How long do I let her cry? Lord, give me wisdom. What will I make for dinner? What can I make that will be healthy? How can I encourage my husband tonight? What will be do this weekend? How can I honor God with these every day decisions? Lord, give me wisdom!

Be Pure~

Pure in mind and heart. Making sure I am being led by the Holy Spirit on a daily, moment by moment basis. I forget to just ask to be empowered!

The fruits of the Spirit come to mind: Love, joy, peace patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Do I pray these for myself? For my daughter? For my home to be a place where these reside? Does my life produce these fruits?

Workers at Home~

This is the big one I have been thinking about. Our society does everything it can to pull us away from this. Even in our "Christian" circles.

Being a stay-at-home mom (or worker at home) is a thing of the past. What happened to the days of mom's "staying home", raising their children, being in communion with other mom's doing the same thing?

The biggest reason? We need the money. We can't live on one salary. Then my question is-at what "level" are you trying to live at? By who's standards are you living at? Are you buying things you shouldn't? Have you gotten yourself into debt you can't get out of? Maybe we need to re-evaluate our priorities.

Another reason-I just need to get out of the house. Do you really want to "work" to do this? Why not join a mom's group? Find a gym that has child care? Swap babysitting with a neighbor so you can have time out alone.

So many thoughts...

I'm not saying working outside of the home is wrong, I think this is something you and your husband have to pray about and decide what is best for your family. But I do know the Bible is very clear about the fact that we are to be "workers at home." So, if we aren't able to fulfill these duties, then we definitely shouldn't be working outside the home.

I just know I was challenged when I looked at this again. This is what I am called to. It's not a decision to just "stay home," it is a calling-I am to be a worker at home. To clean, organize, provide a place to bring others to, to make my family feel loved and welcome. What am I letting stand in the way of this?

Be kind~

Does it get any simpler than that? Be kind-am I putting other's needs ahead of my own? Am I kind to the people I come into contact with on a daily basis. Am I choosing to be kind to my husband when he comes home, even if I have had a stressful day at home?

Be submissive to your husband~

There are a lot of different ways I could jump here, but I think the best way to sum this up is to make sure I am showing respect to my husband all the times. That I am enabling him to be the leader of our home. That I encourage him to provide for our family. That we make the tough decisions together, but ultimately, lean on his wisdom, as he is seeking the Lord for us. It isn't to be a door mat. It is to walk hand-in-hand with towards a common goal!

Well, lots of questions today-I would love to hear your thoughts!

I pray for the strength to be a Titus 2:4-5 woman! What an incredible calling!