Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Passion, or Not?

I sometimes wonder if I get too passionate about certain things in life.

Do I sometimes get passionate about something, and take off running with the idea, only to find it not coming to fruition. I wonder-did I pray much about it? Did I pray to see if it was God's passion for me to pursue, or if it was just "my" passion?

I am passionate about passion. I think we all need to live with a little bit more passion. I think we all get caught up too much in our daily lives. I think we forget what we are even passionate about.

I think even if we do remember what we are passionate about, sometimes we don't take the time for it. Sometimes we do, only to fall flat on our face. Sometimes we don't know how to pursue our passions. Sometimes we don't make it a priority.

Yes, there is always someone out there who has it worse off (hello-can we say Japan?), but that doesn't mean the feelings I have aren't worth having. So I type. (Sorry, I am getting side tracked from my "marriage" blogging.)





Seeking t0



Not to bring glory to myself-but to God!

Are you living a life full of passion? Am I? Or am I lukewarm, numb to life around me, going through the motions. Am I taking time to pursue my passions? Am I passionate about what God wants me to be passionate about?

What if I feel as if I am passionate about something that I feel He is passionate about too, and then I get a "no," a "wait." Those are the hard questions, because for those questions, we often don't have answers.

Passion. Confusion. Dissapointment. Excitement. Contentment. Peace.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Love Happens

This past weekend, I was able to attend a marriage conference at our church. I was quite challenged, inspired and encouraged in so many ways. I even missed two sessions (of which I can't wait to watch!)

So, I have decided that I put things to better memory when I write about them. So for my next few blog entries, I am going to be writing about what was taught. Many of these thoughts will be mine, many will not. I hope to be as honest as I can though, and I thank you for going through this journey with me!

Love Happens

Why did you get married? Why do you want to be married? What is the purpose of marriage?

91% say it is for Love
88% say it is for companionship
82% say it is to signify a lifelong commitment

The list goes on. So most of us get married because we are "in love" with our significant other. I'll be the first to admit that I didn't fully understand what that "love" meant. I'm still working on it! I do know that love is a choice, it's an action. Not a feeling. This is why marriage so often ends in disillusionment and failure, because people say they "fall out of love." This happens if love is a feeling. I can't stop CHOOSING to love. How I am choosing to love Ben? Am I? On a daily basis?

Are they choosing to love? Choosing to unconditionally receive their spouse?

Some of my favorite quotes from this chapter:

1. Marriage is not primarily about you.
2. It is just as important to become the right person as it is to find the right person.
3. The one you married is the one with whom you are to make a life
4. The ultimate purpose of marriage is to reflect God's image.
5. Marriage is a covenant-a permanent promise-not a contract
6. Marriage is more than a device to suit our own needs; it exists for a bigger purpose.

We are selfish people. It doesn't take long for the "honeymoon" phase to wear off and then we start to wonder what our spouse is or isn't doing to keep us happy. If they will do their part, then I will do mine. If he will just honestly talk heart to heart with me, then maybe I'll....

Marriage isn't about us. It's about giving 100% to the one God has give to us. It's not about "if you do this, then I'll do that." It is about making a statement, together, about the God of this universe. It is about bringing glory to God. We are married for a higher purpose, for a higher calling.

Is this what I think about when I don't feel as if my needs are being met? When Ben gets home from being at work all day, and I'm tired because it's been a long day on my end? You bet not! I wonder, "why can't he just know what I need and do it for me, don't I deserve it?"

Ah, how our selfish culture gets inside our brains! Marriage is not about me. It is about embracing the God-given differences he's built into each of us and receiving Ben as God's incredible gift to me!

What does that mean? To unconditionally receive Ben? That means I shouldn't have any expectations on him, right? I shouldn't "expect" that he know what I need or want, or expect that he should do this or that. It means I receive him as God's gift, as he is. Not receive him in hopes to change him. Receive him. Period.

If Ben was to know that I see him as God's gift for a lifetime, how would that change the way I relate to him?

Thursday, March 10, 2011


I have found a new passion! Flower accessories for any age!

I would love to make a custom color/size for a girl in your life, or a flower for you or someone you know that would enjoy one! All flowers are detachable, so you can mix and match!

I can make any combination of any colors (headbands and flowers!) I can also make bracelets with the flower as an attachment.

Headbands with one flower $16.95 (shipping included) Flower (without bling) $6.95 (shipping included) Flower (with bling) $7.95 (shipping included)

Please email me your order! rachel.kovanda@gmail.com

Saturday, March 5, 2011


Inspire: To fill with an animating, quickening, or exalting influence

Today was filled with many thoughts and emotions. The one that rises to the top, after all the dust settles though, is inspiration.

I started off the day with only about 4 hours of total sleep last night. So, my emotions were a little raw to being with. :)

I went to the half marathon knowing I wouldn't set foot on the course. Yet, walking up to get my number and t-shirt filled me with some feelings of disappointment. So close, yet so far away.

As we gave Dave his high 5's as he ran past us after the start, I wanted to just jump on the course and run next to him like we have been training for the past 3 months. I could almost feel the rush of the start-because I could imagine myself out there in the mix of the people.

I felt like I had just deserted a friend. He was nothing but supportive of the decision I had to make to not run the race, but still. There he went-off to run 13.1 miles on his own. Had the roles been reversed, I'm not so sure I would have completed that on my own. As we ran together during our training, we always talked about how much easier it is to run when you have someone with you!

The sun shone, the rain fell, the wind blew, and the anticipation grew as two hours rolled by. We began to watch for Dave and his lime green shirt. As we waited, and anticipated his arrival around the bend, I just couldn't stand there any more. I had to go meet him and bring him in.

So I dropped my coat, and took off to find him. In my jeans, no less. I couldn't just let him finish it alone.

I met him just after mile 12. There he was, trucking along. Still going. After running 12 miles on his own. It was the least I could do to bring him in for his last 1.1 miles.

As we neared the finish line, Shelby was snapping pictures, mom was cheering, and Dad (who was holding Kayla) was running the last few feet with us. All the while, cheering Dave to the finish line.

He did it. All 13.1 miles of it. On his own. If that is not inspiring, I'm not sure what is.

Was it hard, to not be out there? Yes. Do I regret the decision I had to make. Not at all. I know that is what I needed to do.

Did it inspire me all the more to want to do it someday. YES! I can not wait for the green light to run again.

Thanks Dave, for conquering that race today. Thanks Shelby, for being his biggest fan and supporting him in training these past 3 1/2 months. Thanks Ben, for supporting me in the time of training I had. Thanks Dad and Mom, for being so supportive of all of us no matter what it is we are doing (or not able to do-for those encouraging words, Dad).

Thanks Dave for doing it even without your training buddy. Thanks for inspiring me! I'm glad I had some pears and strawberry jello dessert for you to eat afterwards. :)

I'll wait a few days before I ask you if you want to do it again, and that time, I WILL be running at your side!

Friday, March 4, 2011

Yes. No. Wait.

So tomorrow is the big half marathon I was supposed to run.

Life is funny. (Or should I say God has a sense of humor?) I probably wouldn't have been able to run the race anyway, even if my doctor told me I could.

I have been sick off and on for the past month-which would have made training a little difficult. While the sickness has been tough (since Ben, Kayla and I have been passing it back and forth to each other), I am thankful to have the reassurance that I really wasn't supposed to run tomorrow.

I guess I am the type of person that sometimes needs a brick hit over my head. Instead of a simple "no," I tend to need the huge thunderous "NOOOOOOOO!" (for now)

That's an interesting thought. "No" now, doesn't mean "no" next time. "Yes" now, doesn't mean "yes" next time. Silence now, doesn't mean silence next time.

This is why we must continue to seek Him-even when we aren't sure why we received the answer we did. We must trust that He is enough. If He decides to give us the answer we want, then that is just an added blessing!

Yes. No. Wait. Thankful that I know the One who has the answers. Whether or not he decides to give me the one I want doesn't matter. He just asks me to trust that He knows what I need. What I Need. Not want.

That's hard to swallow sometimes.