Thursday, May 27, 2010

25 Weeks!

Baby cupcake is 25 weeks old now! It's almost been four weeks since surgery. So many things to still be thankful for!

We had another appointment on Tuesday, and we got a great report-NO CHANGE!!! Baby is still fine and cervix is still long and closed. AND...I'm still on bed rest! OK, not sure if that last part is GREAT, but if it is necessary, then I will continue to do it! He doesn't really want me to be doing much more than I am now-which is one to two hours twice a day. I'm thinking about taking up knitting-any tips anyone?

Late mornings are good for me, so I am able to get up for awhile then. It's amazing how much satisfaction I can get from doing a load of laundry or unloading the dishwasher! Those tasks used to be some of my least favorite-and now it's something I have to look forward to. Perspective is everything! Evenings tend to be bad for contractions, so I just have to pay attention to what is going on with my body.

It is very interesting the correlation between drinking water and contractions. I am drinking AT LEAST 3 quarts of water a day (that is a lot of water!!), and he says I need to keep drinking more! Especially when I am having contractions. It is interesting. The power of water!

We just love our doctor and the staff at Northwest OBGYN. Dr. Fern is one of the best, and we feel so blessed to be under his care.

A funny story from our appointment on Tuesday. The nurse came in after we were taken to our room, and she walked in looking through my chart. She said "I was wondering why your name was sounding so had a pretty big ordeal that you went through a few weeks ago! You are famous around here! We really should put your picture on the wall next to all the doctors." We got a good laugh from that. I hadn't even met this nurse yet and she knew me, so I guess I must have been a topic of conversation around the office. I told her, "Well, I'm not famous by choice!"

We continue to trust and put this baby in the Lord's hands. And for now-I continue to read, watch movies, and enjoy time in my new leather lazy boy chair!!! It is sometimes hard to keep my spirits up, but I am so thankful for all the visits, phone calls, cards and emails that help pass the time and keep me encouraged.

As I was reminded by a dear friend last evening (who has had her fair share of bed rest!), it is only a season, and you will be able to look back on it and say you would do it all over again becauase it is so worth it! I am so thankful I have been given the gift of carrying this child, that I will do all it takes to make sure she is healthy!

I will leave with this thought I'm borrowing from Taryn (thanks Taryn!): "We may not be able to see the light through our struggles, but we can believe that those days, as in the life of Job, will be the most significant we are called upon to live." Robert Collyer

May I be able to see the light--and trust that these days are significant!

Friday, May 21, 2010

A Simpler Life

"Be Still and Know that I Am God" Psalms 46:10

Another week has passed by-slowly-but it is done! It's been a bit of a crazy one-one with a few twists and turns for our extended family I wouldn't have chosen. Once again, we are reminded that we serve a bigger God than all situations that come our way, and that He is in control.

Our electricity went out on Wednesday night, and it was a strange thing. Do you realize how much we rely on electricity? I always forget until I don't have it. As the kerosene lamp was sitting on the coffee table sending out our small rays of light, I thought back to what it would have been like before electricity. Some of you can remember those days. It really wasn't that many years ago-before cars, lights, computers, TV's, music, dishwashers, washing machines, running water, iPods, phones, cell phones...

Speaking on cell phones-heaven forbid our society without cell phones--I remember what is was like before that--and I'm not that old!!! Who votes that cell phones have just complicated our lives?! Really--now we are available at any time, in any place, connected to the world around us. Anyway...side note.

As Ben and I were just sitting in the dark, realizing there wasn't anything to do, we talked for awhile, and then decided to go to bed. What have we come to that we think there is nothing to do when we have no power?! I have been mulling over that thought the last couple of days.

Our society has gotten so complicated with so much "stuff" dictating our lives, and getting in the way of what really matters-relationships! I am just as guilty as the next guy, and I was reminded of that on Wednesday night.

Don't get me wrong, I am VERY thankful for modern inventions. In fact, I wouldn't be typing this today in lue of what happened to me three weeks ago if it wasn't for modern inventions. I am so thankful that my baby's and my life were spared because of the developments we have today.

I just think I can get caught up in all the noise. You know, the noise. Not just the audible noises, but the noises that invade our lives, that demand our attention.

Along with our electricity going out, the past three weeks have definitely showed me the slower pace of life. All of you that know me, know that I am a busy person. In some ways, this has defined who I am. I'm not necessarily proud of this. Everyone knows that I don't stop for too long to "smell the roses." And because of this, I think I miss out on some of the simple joys in life:

The sound of the back door opening and someones voice coming to greet me

The vibrant colors of flowers-It's amazing to think this world could all be one color, and yet we were given the gift of the rainbow.

The sound of my phone ringing because someone really cares to talk to me-and the fact that I actually HAVE the time to talk to them

A good book

A good magazine

A hug

A kiss

The sound of a wind chime

The flame of a candle

A bubble bath

Good food

Receiving a card in the mail

Feeling the kicks of my growing baby


The words "I love You"

The gift of relationships

I am thankful for these reminders. It's these things that can get us through a day and help sustain us for a life. I now understand the phrase "stop and smell the roses" in a whole new way, and I am thankful for the lessons of a still and simpler life.

"Be Still and Know that I Am God" Psalms 46:10

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Week 24

This pregnancy has been a roller coaster ride. One that I am glad we are still on! When we first found out we were pregnant for the second time, we were excited/scared/shocked. We wanted it so bad, and yet, it was terrifying to know we weren't in control of the outcome.

The first 12 weeks went on and on as I counted down the days. I thought, if I can just make it past the week that we had the miscarriage, surly everything will be ok. It was hard to get excited, and yet we wanted to be. We had moments of excitement, and moments of fear. I was reminded again that I wasn't in control, and that I needed to give this baby to the Lord every day and trust that He knew what would happen!

At about 16 weeks, I started feeling so much better, it was so fun to start planning and dreaming for this baby! Finally! I could breath! Colors, strollers, furniture, clothes, names, blue? pink? etc etc! There it is again-that word-plan. Was I trying to be in control of the planning, or was I surrendering her to the Lord?

I was just starting to feel GREAT when the next trial came along. Once again, I was being reminded that this baby is NOT mine, and that I need to continue to give her up!

I was reminded by a dear friend of the story of Hannah in the Bible. The Lord had closed her womb for whatever reason, and she prayed fervently that if the Lord would bless her with a child, she would give him back to the Lord. This is exactly what happened. What an incredible test of faith. She did it-she took her son into the temple and gave him to the Lord. I can't imagine the emotions she was dealing with. All her life she had wanted to be a mom, and once the Lord gave her a son, she gave him right back.

So often I think I pray for certain things, or "bargain" with God that "if you just allow this, I will do that..." and how often do we fail to hold up on our end of the bargain?

What a reminder, once again-that the Lord is asking me to truly give this beautiful baby to Him. With all that has happened, I know there is no way that she should be here, alive and well if it wasn't for His hand in all of this. I pray for the strength for me to continue to open up the clenched palm I can so easly have.

I think the rollar coaster is starting to plane out a bit. I am hoping we have ridden through our biggest loop, but for now we celebrate and praise God for all that He has and continues to do.

We trust and wait that we will see this pregnancy through the end of week 24, as we continue to take this one day at a time!

Thursday, May 13, 2010

My first blog--it might be long!

So I have always been a person who hasn't taken the time to read too many people's blogs, let alone create one for myself. The past two weeks have greatly altered my life, and my "schedule" (or lack thereof), and has created a lot of extra time on my hands.

I have decided to create a blog. I'm not really sure how it works, or if people will even look at it, but I figure, why not? It gives me another thing to do as I am on bed rest. So what do I post on my first blog? I guess I'll just start typing and see what happens:

I have been married to my best friend, and better half for almost three years. It is amazing what we have gone through in 3 short years. Buying a house in Boise, both quitting our jobs in Boise to move to Pullman, remodeling a 100 year old house that we currently live in, starting new jobs, and trying to start our family. These I guess are the "biggies."

We are pregnant with our second child. We lost our first due to a miscarriage in April of 2009. Loosing our first child was the hardest thing we have ever had to go through, but we know God has a plan, and that he is taking care of that sweet child. I can honestly say I know I serve a big God and am thankful that he is in control.

We were ecstatic (and scared) to find out we were pregnant again at the beginning on January this year. It is hard to describe what you feel when you know you want to be pregnant, but you know even more, that you don't want to loose this child. Yet, again, there is nothing you can or can't do, you just have to trust, once again, that the Lord was in control. I felt pretty sick for the first 14 weeks, and then was staring to feel GREAT! Even through the sickness, I LOVED being pregnant. To know that the Lord had entrusted me with this human being to grow was beyond my comprehension. Why would he choose us for this sacred and wonderful experience? I was determined to celebrate this life as long as we were given it.

We decided we wanted to know if it was a boy or girl-again, part of the celebration of life that we wanted to have with this baby. We knew the Lord would give us what He wanted us to have, and after staring at an envelope that contained the baby's sex for a week, we opened our envelope to find out we were having a girl! The excitement continued to build as we told our families a few days later.

Again, I was feeling so blessed, each day that I was given the gift to give life to this baby girl "cupcake."

On April 29th, I went into the Pullman ER because I was having horrible pain on my right side. It's hard to describe the intensity of the pain-as I was getting no relief from any pain medication. I was transported to Spokane later that day, as that is where I am doctoring. I will say, I was hoping for sirens and fast driving since I was in an ambulance, but I guess they save that for the very critical patients. :)

I was monitored for another day at Sacred Heart, but on Saturday, May 1st, I knew something was terribly wrong. I woke up to continued pain, and not being able to even get out of bed or lift my right leg. After an ultrasound and exam, the Dr. on call determined that something "very big" was behind my uterus, and they couldn't identify exactly what it was--just that it was growing, and needed to be looked at. After calling my Dr, I was being prepped for surgery.

This now became the scariest moment of my life as I was told they didn't know what they would find in there, and they couldn't promise anything with the baby. Surgery isn't usually done on pregnant women, and since I was only 21 weeks pregnant, baby couldn't survive outside the womb yet. Again, another reason to trust in the Almighty-as there was NOTHING I could do.

Laying there on that hospital bed, contemplating all that could happen in the next two hours was almost more than I could bare. Ben was my rock-praying over me and the baby and all that was to come. Why did the Lord bless me with such a wonderful man? I couldn't have gone through any of this without him.

I came out of surgery without my right ovary or tube, but with my baby's heartbeat just as strong as it was going into surgery. She didn't even know what happened! The best explanation we have is that I had a cyst on my ovary (that every pregnant woman gets), that continued to grow. Usually, your body gets ride of it at about 12 weeks, but for some reason, mine didn't, and it continued to grow until it got so big that it twisted my ovary and tube, and cut off the blood supply to the ovary. This caused it to grow to about the size of a grapefruit/softball until it died and started rupturing.

I have a new respect and gratitude for Doctors, medicine and surgery, because without all that, both me and baby cupcake would just be a statistic by now. Thank you Sacred Heart, Dr. Fern, Dr. Zwisler, and all my nurses for taking such a great care of us.

What is crazy about the entire thing is that it is VERY VERY uncommon for any pregnant woman to develop "ovarian torsion," which is the official name for what I developed. In fact, my doctor, who has been practicing for a long time, and is one of the most respected Doctors in the northwest, says I am the only person he has ever seen this happen to. We also talked to another Dr. that specializes in high-risk pregnancies, and he said he has only seen this twice in 42 years.

I am so special!! Haha! I hope because I have gone through this, that I have used up the very rare statistic for every woman I know! Anyway, right after surgery, my epidural wasn't working, and my body was having contractions about every 7 minutes. This was very scary, and they were trying to get them stopped. So between getting ANOTHER epidural (which worked this time), and giving me lots of magnesium (yuck!), the contractions started slowing down.

I was in the hospital for another 5 days while they monitored contractions and everything else. It was so nice to finally be able to go home and rest the following Thursday.

All I can say is, now, more than ever, I believe in the power of prayer. As crazy as this has been, so many things have gone right that shouldn't have, and I know it's because of all of you lifting us up in prayer. It is a very humbling thing to know there is nothing you can do, but accept people's prayers and just wait on the Lord. That is what we continue to do. Take this one day at a time, and trust that there is a plan.

So now I am almost 23 weeks pregnant, and baby cupcake is doing great. They just want me to stay down so that I don't go into labor, as I am still having some contractions. I am also still recovering from surgery, which just takes time too! In the meantime, I just might get into blogging, reading, movies, crosswords, and anything else that can occupy my time while I am down. For those of you that have made it to the end of this one-I promise they won't ever be this long again!

Again, I'm not sure who will read this, but I am so thankful to my hubby who has been my rock this past two weeks. I love him more and more each day and am so thankful for him. Along with my family-especially my mom and sister who have been beyond helpful as well. And to Jenny who came up and stayed with me for three days to help pass the time and serve us. And to all of you-for your prayers, cards, flowers, food and support. We are so overwhelmed with the support and love that has and continues to come our way.

We serve a risen Savior who has promised us that he DOES have a plan for us, and for that I am so grateful. I pray for strength for today-for that is all He asks of us!