You forever changed me. For a moment, I was relieved of the stress I carried not knowing if you would be delivered safely into this world. For a moment, I was overwhelmed with peace and a love I cannot explain. A love that goes deeper than anything I have ever experienced.
6 years ago, after that brief moment, the "Mom Radar" set in. What was I supposed to do next? How do I feed you? When do I feed you? What do I do when you cry? When do I pick you up? Will you pee enough? Poop enough? Cry enough? Sleep enough?
I suppose you can say, it doesn't ever leave. That built in concern and nurturing spirit you get for your children from the moment that pregnancy test is positive. Some may call it worry, some may call it stress. I like to think of it as the Mom Radar. :)
Fast forward 6 years, and today you start Kindergarten.
You have grown into a beautiful young girl who is passionate, and lives life with everything you have. Anything "new" has always been a challenge, so you were nervous for today. It's ok. So was I. So was your teacher. :)
I am reminded of so many lessons I feel the Lord was trying to teach me 6 years ago when I was fighting for your life on bed rest at 21 weeks pregnant:
There are times (many) when I have to let go, and trust the plan of the Father. This world is scary, and it's a world where I fear you could be swept away by so many things. But I have to LET GO, in order to LET GOD draw you out out to the path and plan He has for you. Yes, he has entrusted us to be your parents, but you were His first.
I will always long for control. It is my human nature. Just when I think I can control something, or someone, I am swept off my feet (sometimes literally), and placed in a humble state.
Let go. Trust. Pray. Hope.
I have been praying so much in preparation for this day. It has helped. We have talked a lot with you about this day. What it will be like, who you will meet. How things will be different. That it's ok to be scared. That you are not alone.
But nothing could prepare me for this next moment:
There were no words, just tears and I froze. You clung to me and just cried and cried. I didn't know what to tell you except that you had to go, and that you would be just fine. That I love you. We both survived and even had smiles before too long. But those moments of letting go and walking away from you while you are in tears, tear at my heartstrings. I know this is nothing new under the sun, that many have gone before me, and many will go after. And the years will fly by and I will wonder where time has gone.
We love you more than you will ever know. We cherish you. We are challenged by you. We are humbled by you. We learn to live life a little fuller because of you. We prayerfully lead you. But the hardest part is letting you go. So today, we continue to open up our fists we tend to close around you, trying to control everything to be just fine.
We let you go, prayerfully giving you back to the One who entrusted you to us. We send you off to clear the paths God has placed before you.
Happy 6th Birthday our dear sweet Kayla Grace.
2 Thessalonians 3:3
"But the Lord is faithful; he will strengthen you and guard you from the evil one."
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."
We can't wait to see what lies ahead for you in the next part of your journey!