Thursday, May 13, 2010

My first blog--it might be long!

So I have always been a person who hasn't taken the time to read too many people's blogs, let alone create one for myself. The past two weeks have greatly altered my life, and my "schedule" (or lack thereof), and has created a lot of extra time on my hands.

I have decided to create a blog. I'm not really sure how it works, or if people will even look at it, but I figure, why not? It gives me another thing to do as I am on bed rest. So what do I post on my first blog? I guess I'll just start typing and see what happens:

I have been married to my best friend, and better half for almost three years. It is amazing what we have gone through in 3 short years. Buying a house in Boise, both quitting our jobs in Boise to move to Pullman, remodeling a 100 year old house that we currently live in, starting new jobs, and trying to start our family. These I guess are the "biggies."

We are pregnant with our second child. We lost our first due to a miscarriage in April of 2009. Loosing our first child was the hardest thing we have ever had to go through, but we know God has a plan, and that he is taking care of that sweet child. I can honestly say I know I serve a big God and am thankful that he is in control.

We were ecstatic (and scared) to find out we were pregnant again at the beginning on January this year. It is hard to describe what you feel when you know you want to be pregnant, but you know even more, that you don't want to loose this child. Yet, again, there is nothing you can or can't do, you just have to trust, once again, that the Lord was in control. I felt pretty sick for the first 14 weeks, and then was staring to feel GREAT! Even through the sickness, I LOVED being pregnant. To know that the Lord had entrusted me with this human being to grow was beyond my comprehension. Why would he choose us for this sacred and wonderful experience? I was determined to celebrate this life as long as we were given it.

We decided we wanted to know if it was a boy or girl-again, part of the celebration of life that we wanted to have with this baby. We knew the Lord would give us what He wanted us to have, and after staring at an envelope that contained the baby's sex for a week, we opened our envelope to find out we were having a girl! The excitement continued to build as we told our families a few days later.

Again, I was feeling so blessed, each day that I was given the gift to give life to this baby girl "cupcake."

On April 29th, I went into the Pullman ER because I was having horrible pain on my right side. It's hard to describe the intensity of the pain-as I was getting no relief from any pain medication. I was transported to Spokane later that day, as that is where I am doctoring. I will say, I was hoping for sirens and fast driving since I was in an ambulance, but I guess they save that for the very critical patients. :)

I was monitored for another day at Sacred Heart, but on Saturday, May 1st, I knew something was terribly wrong. I woke up to continued pain, and not being able to even get out of bed or lift my right leg. After an ultrasound and exam, the Dr. on call determined that something "very big" was behind my uterus, and they couldn't identify exactly what it was--just that it was growing, and needed to be looked at. After calling my Dr, I was being prepped for surgery.

This now became the scariest moment of my life as I was told they didn't know what they would find in there, and they couldn't promise anything with the baby. Surgery isn't usually done on pregnant women, and since I was only 21 weeks pregnant, baby couldn't survive outside the womb yet. Again, another reason to trust in the Almighty-as there was NOTHING I could do.

Laying there on that hospital bed, contemplating all that could happen in the next two hours was almost more than I could bare. Ben was my rock-praying over me and the baby and all that was to come. Why did the Lord bless me with such a wonderful man? I couldn't have gone through any of this without him.

I came out of surgery without my right ovary or tube, but with my baby's heartbeat just as strong as it was going into surgery. She didn't even know what happened! The best explanation we have is that I had a cyst on my ovary (that every pregnant woman gets), that continued to grow. Usually, your body gets ride of it at about 12 weeks, but for some reason, mine didn't, and it continued to grow until it got so big that it twisted my ovary and tube, and cut off the blood supply to the ovary. This caused it to grow to about the size of a grapefruit/softball until it died and started rupturing.

I have a new respect and gratitude for Doctors, medicine and surgery, because without all that, both me and baby cupcake would just be a statistic by now. Thank you Sacred Heart, Dr. Fern, Dr. Zwisler, and all my nurses for taking such a great care of us.

What is crazy about the entire thing is that it is VERY VERY uncommon for any pregnant woman to develop "ovarian torsion," which is the official name for what I developed. In fact, my doctor, who has been practicing for a long time, and is one of the most respected Doctors in the northwest, says I am the only person he has ever seen this happen to. We also talked to another Dr. that specializes in high-risk pregnancies, and he said he has only seen this twice in 42 years.

I am so special!! Haha! I hope because I have gone through this, that I have used up the very rare statistic for every woman I know! Anyway, right after surgery, my epidural wasn't working, and my body was having contractions about every 7 minutes. This was very scary, and they were trying to get them stopped. So between getting ANOTHER epidural (which worked this time), and giving me lots of magnesium (yuck!), the contractions started slowing down.

I was in the hospital for another 5 days while they monitored contractions and everything else. It was so nice to finally be able to go home and rest the following Thursday.

All I can say is, now, more than ever, I believe in the power of prayer. As crazy as this has been, so many things have gone right that shouldn't have, and I know it's because of all of you lifting us up in prayer. It is a very humbling thing to know there is nothing you can do, but accept people's prayers and just wait on the Lord. That is what we continue to do. Take this one day at a time, and trust that there is a plan.

So now I am almost 23 weeks pregnant, and baby cupcake is doing great. They just want me to stay down so that I don't go into labor, as I am still having some contractions. I am also still recovering from surgery, which just takes time too! In the meantime, I just might get into blogging, reading, movies, crosswords, and anything else that can occupy my time while I am down. For those of you that have made it to the end of this one-I promise they won't ever be this long again!

Again, I'm not sure who will read this, but I am so thankful to my hubby who has been my rock this past two weeks. I love him more and more each day and am so thankful for him. Along with my family-especially my mom and sister who have been beyond helpful as well. And to Jenny who came up and stayed with me for three days to help pass the time and serve us. And to all of you-for your prayers, cards, flowers, food and support. We are so overwhelmed with the support and love that has and continues to come our way.

We serve a risen Savior who has promised us that he DOES have a plan for us, and for that I am so grateful. I pray for strength for today-for that is all He asks of us!


  1. Hey Roomie,

    I am so glad that I am the first to comment on your wonderful blog. Of course people will read it, especially when the writing flows from your heart like this entry did. I praise the Lord for bringing Ben into your life. I am so excited for Cupcake, as well.

    I am going through the same life-lessons that you write about. Even though our "crosses" are very different it is encouraging to see someone finding their strength in the Lord to carry what has been given to them. Keep going, Sister. Your struggles have not been caused the Lord, but He is doing a wonderful job of using them for good.

    Keep writing. I'll come back to check on you regularly.

  2. Welcome to BlogWorld, my Mrs. Kovanda! I can tell you that it can eat up lots of hours. If you think Facebook is a time-eater, blogs are even more. I will send you a link to the beginning of a blog world in which I travel.

    Briefly said now. These are public forums. random thoughts: I read your blog to the end and will reread it more times. Thank you for your words of clarity. Gaps of answers were there for me. You're welcome for the prayers. Thank you Jesus for your love. I wish I could do more.

    But, this gwamma to 'cupcake' prays and waits and wonders what I can do for you. Meanwhile, thank you for sharing. You will be blessed by it. I anticipate great encouragement from it for you.

    I Love You!

  3. Wow! What a journey you have been on! I'm so excited to hear things have improved since last year. I wish you all the best and will keep you in my prayers. Post pictures soon....I bet you are the cutest pregnant mommy-to-be. :)

  4. So nice to hear from you, Rachel, in your own words. Been hearing reports through Nadeen and Ben. What an experience that you can relay to Cupcake when she's grown up. You guys are in my thoughts and prayers!

  5. Thanks for the up-date. Now i know more than Grandma Lucile! (I called her yesterday to see if she knew anything) Maybe I'll call her and read this to her as it is very heart felt. :-)

  6. Rach - I rarely read blogs, but I was just captured by yours. What an amazing testimony! Thank you so much for sharing. We will continue to lift you and Ben and the baby girl up in prayer!!!!!

  7. Loves to you my friend! Now I'm all teary-eyed and smiling big at the same time for the way our God is faithful and His word never fails us!!

  8. I LOVED reading your story! You have amazing faith and are such an inspiration!! I am so happy for you and Ben and your sweet little angel!!!

  9. It looks like you already have a handful of followers and you are on your way to blogging. I love you Rach and I'm excited to follow your blog. You are a strong woman and I admire you for that! Hugs.

  10. you just keep bloggin as long as your little heart desires Mrs. Kovanda. I loved reading that, although it makes me so to be far away and not a part of your every day life. Yay for our huge God and being able to pray for you! love you kovandas to pieces!

  11. Rachel, I was really happy to see you writing your worry and pain. It is part of the healing. Sometimes, as people, we want to internalize everything and hold it close...fearing perhaps that if we release it we will be unable to contain the wild flutter of pain...but when pain is shared it soothes it...doesn't diminish it as much as make it manageable.

    Try writing every day.

    It is your diary of your journey.

    And, somehow, the more you write the more you find solace for a difficult situation.

    I admire your bravery in sharing your story.

    You have been on my prayer list since Cupcake's Grandma shared this story with us.

    Thank you for writing this.