Well, I was three weeks away from running my first half marathon when I get the news that I can no longer run more than two miles at a time.
This is the second race that I have trained for, only to be shopped short of my goal. The first time around, it was because I got pregnant, and my body couldn't handle the running. (Which was a GREAT reason.)
This time it is as a result of having a baby, and trying to run too much, too soon after giving birth. Wouldn't you know!
I'm beginning to wonder if I'm not cut out for it. Ha!
Running a half marathon is on my "bucket list." It is something I have secretly wanted to do for some time now.
When visiting with my Doctor, he asked if I had been feeling ok while training. I really had been feeling great, up until my 8 mile run. After that run, I could tell my body was telling me I might be doing a little too much. A visit to my amazing doctor (I really consider him like a grandpa to me-a man who saves both mine and my daughter's lives holds a special place in my heart!), we concluded that I needed to let my body completely recover.
Ah, disappointment. Many emotions ran though my head as I processed the news.
First I was mad at myself that I had decided to start training. I honestly didn't think I was pushing myself too hard. He made me feel better when he told me, "if I had been on bed rest for four months, I probably would have signed up for a half marathon too." :) Then I realized, no, I can't beat myself up about a decision I made that I thought was right at the time. We all do that, right? Make decisions we thing are right/good, and sometimes they end up not being the best. But the past is the past, and we can't change that. We must more forward and live today that the Lord has made!
Then I was disappointed. For the past two and a half months, I have carved time into my schedule (with a baby, and a very busy husband) to go on runs. Had I just wasted so much of my time running the 90ish miles I have since Christmas?
Then I realized, no it was fun for me. Some of you may laugh at that. Running? Fun? It was good for me. It was a way for me to get out of the house and do something for myself. I think it is very important to do this as a mom, otherwise, you can get consumed in your roll only as a mommy. I knew I needed something like this to keep me well rounded, to be a better wife, AND mommy!
Then I felt bad because I was leaving my running buddy up in the air to do 13.1 miles on his own. It has been a lot of fun training with my brother-in-law, Dave. He is such a great guy, and it has been fun getting to know him better. You wouldn't think we would have the same pace, but quite frankly, we do! We are great running buddies! So, here I am, leaving him high and dry. He was nothing but supportive of the decision I had to make though.
Then I realized, wait, my Dr. said I could run 2 miles a couple times a week, so I am going to pace him on the last two miles of the race. I am really hoping they will let me do that. If not, I will still be there with my sign, smile and loudest cheering voice. I just might be his biggest fan that day. (Sorry, Shelb!)
If he can complete that, by himself (which I know he will), I will be so proud of him because I can't imagine doing something like that by myself. I am praying the Lord gives him extra strength during the race as I won't be there to help him through those tough miles.
So, strike two. Will I have the opportunity to do it again? I hope so. I see my doctor again in a couple of months, and I hope I get a green light. If not, I guess I will just continue to heal, and look forward to next years race season.
I guess that's why a bucket list is a list of things you want to do before you die. It doesn't mean they will get done on "our timing." As is life, right? So often I plan and scheme and decided this is what will be done here and now, and then God says, "wait, are you letting me be in control of every area of your life?"
Such a hard lesson for me to learn, apparently. So, for now, I sit back, and wait. I sit back and be still. I sit back and do what's best for myself and my family and put my desires on the back burner. Life is not about me anyway.
If anyone wants to come help me cheer Dave on, 10:00am, next Saturday, March 5th down at the Wawawaii landing on the river!!