Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Lots of thoughts today...

I don't know how to begin this entry...there are so many things going through my mind.

This week there will be some big changes in not only our family, but our extended family! My new little niece or nephew will be entering the world any day now! I can't wait to hold and squeeze and love on that little one! We continue to pray for their safe arrival, and for the entire family as they adjust to 4 little ones around now!! Justin and Bridgett are amazing parents, and it is so neat to see how God has blessed them with three wonderful children already!

I will be completely off bed rest on Friday. This is a very strange thing to think about. For 16 weeks (basically 4 months) I have either been on complete bed rest or modified bed rest. I haven't ran my vacuum, or done any cleaning besides what I can easily get to on the surface. I haven't worked in my yard, put together the nursery, or done any canning. I haven't driven anywhere besides to the pool, and haven't been grocery shopping, or much of any shopping for that matter! I haven't worked out, or ran. But, with my mom, mother-in-law, sister and husband's help, a lot has gotten done.

I have learned to let people help me. This is a hard concept for me. I thrive on helping and serving others-it is a way I speak love to people. To accept help has always been a hard and foreign concept to me. I have tended to feel guilty or that I needed to repay someone if they helped me out. But these past four months, I have learned that it is actually a gift to let people help you, and it's really an act of selfishness when you are too proud to ask for or allow help. When you allow someone else to help you-it not only blesses you, but blesses them because they WANT to serve you.

I have done a few projects: worked on my picture books, done some crocheting and cross stitching, read books and magazines, slowing organized parts of the house. I have been "shopping" at Babies R Us in a wheelchair, and been to several doctor appointments in Spokane. I have read to and prayed over our little girl.

To know I will basically have no restrictions after Friday is exciting and scary all at the same time. Exciting, because I can't wait to finish putting her room together, do some more of her laundry, and get our home ready for baby. Exciting because I can hopefully check a few things off my "list" before she comes. Exciting because that means we could be meeting our baby girl any day!

Scary for some of the same reasons above. I am not scared for labor for me, but for her. Just nervous and hoping that everything will go ok and that I will be able to deliver, even with my weakened body state. Nervous that something will happen during labor--and that I really have no control over any of it. But this is where my trust and faith must step in. This is where the rubber meets the road, so to speak. The Lord has brought us to this point, and He won't give us anything more than He knows we can handle.

It is also an interesting concept to wrap my mind around the fact that I won't have to be nervous when I start getting contractions after Friday. Now, I'm up for a couple hours in the morning, and then I have to be down. If I"m up for too long in the afternoon/evening, I start getting more and more contractions-and after Friday, I won't have to sit down when that happens! It will be like retraining my body/mind.

I've also been thinking a lot about the baby we lost last year. A part of my heart will always ache for that little one that we won't meet until heaven someday. This baby doesn't "replace" him or her--and it's so hard when people ask "is this your first?" Sometimes I respond with "we lost one last year" and sometimes I say "yes" because I just don't want to explain myself. But this is our second child, and that is how I see it. When I see babies that are 10 months old (or around that age) right now, I think of our sweet baby. While I am so thrilled to meet this little girl, it only continues to remind me of how much I miss our first little one.

There are other things on my heart as well, but I suppose this is getting long, and you all don't want to know about ever detail of my life. I think I just needed a sounding board this morning. Thank you to each one of you who are so important to us! It has definitely been kind of a "lonely" time for me, and I appreciate all of you who keep pursing me!

I know our lives are about to dramatically change-and we couldn't be more excited. We just hope and pray that the Lord gives us wisdom in knowing what to do in this next stage of life!


  1. Lots of think time for you, for sure. You have an amazing attitude and outlook. I also think you articulate probably how my approach would be toward it all but I'm sure I would be trying to hang on and be in control way more than you convey here. Very healthy.

    As for first baby, I've often heard it said that 'we have one in heaven'. It's never totally easy to know what to do but also know that time heals. I'm the same way when people ask me if this is your first baby. Well,

    I just can't imagine what you are going to do with your newfound, but brief, freedom! Swim probably. Just don't let the list overwhelm you!


  2. Rachel my heart is filled with so much happiness for you and Ben. You are an amazing mom and your little cupcake is one lucky little girl. I love you Rach. I continue to pray for you, Ben and cupcake.