I am preparing to speak at our Woman's Evening Dinner next Thursday evening at Church (come if you can!), and I have lots of random thoughts running through my head. I am trying to bring some clarity to all that the Lord has been putting on my heart.
I ran across this song by Laura Story, and it has become one of my favorites. It puts into words some of the things I have been thinking about.
We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things
‘Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe
When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home,
It's not our home
‘Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Thursday, April 7, 2011
PE Exam
Ben has been studying for his Professional Engineering exam for several months. The time has come! Oh, for those of you that don't know, it basically means that he can stamp, or approve, his own projects. He no longer has to take them to other PE's to get the stamp of approval. It also means he could be his own boss someday!
Tomorrow morning at 7:30 am, he begins the 8 hour test. Many have gone before him, failed, and passed, and he too, will experience those outcomes. (Hopefully just the passing on the first round!!!)
I admire my husband. He has an incredible work ethic. He has a new daughter, and yet has been so diligent about studying. It has meant sacrifices on our part, but it's for all of us in the long run.
He has been putting in close to 12 hour days at work. (So that he could study for about two hours during his lunch) I am reminded of the harvest hours my family keeps! I am so glad he doesn't have to keep those hours normally. We are so blessed that he works an 8-5 job so that he can be home and involved in our lives here!
All through these long days, he still keep some energy for home. He is still happy to see us when he walks through that door. He is still willing to change Kayla's diaper and give her a bath. Not all days, but most.
I am blessed. He is God's incredible gift to me. May I never take that for granted.
You can do it, Ben!! One problem at a time! (There are 80 of them!)
Thank you for being my best friend, better half, and provider for our family!
Tomorrow morning at 7:30 am, he begins the 8 hour test. Many have gone before him, failed, and passed, and he too, will experience those outcomes. (Hopefully just the passing on the first round!!!)
I admire my husband. He has an incredible work ethic. He has a new daughter, and yet has been so diligent about studying. It has meant sacrifices on our part, but it's for all of us in the long run.
He has been putting in close to 12 hour days at work. (So that he could study for about two hours during his lunch) I am reminded of the harvest hours my family keeps! I am so glad he doesn't have to keep those hours normally. We are so blessed that he works an 8-5 job so that he can be home and involved in our lives here!
All through these long days, he still keep some energy for home. He is still happy to see us when he walks through that door. He is still willing to change Kayla's diaper and give her a bath. Not all days, but most.
I am blessed. He is God's incredible gift to me. May I never take that for granted.
You can do it, Ben!! One problem at a time! (There are 80 of them!)
Thank you for being my best friend, better half, and provider for our family!
Monday, April 4, 2011
Each Day is a Gift
Hello blog world. Sorry I've been absent for awhile. I know I was going to do some blogging on marriage, but to be honest, I just don't feel like I'm in a good spot to be talking about that! So I was trying to figure out what was on my mind.
My mind has been a little empty lately. Well, not empty, I guess, because I'm not a guy. I can't just think about "nothing." I don't have a "nothing" box. :) I guess I have been feeling a little down lately. Hormones? Lack of sleep? Absent husband (since he's been studying so much for his Professional Engineering test)?
I couldn't figure out why, and then I did a double take at the calendar.
April. Ah, April. You have not been so kind to us the past two years!
We lost our first child on April 6, 2009. There are many thoughts out there about miscarriages. Some people choose not to share that they have lost children, some share freely. I am one that talks about it. It is a part of my life, a part that has forever changed me. It is a child of mine that I will someday meet.
My heart aches for my little one this time of year. Now, having another child, one "on the ground" makes me miss my baby more. As Kayla grows and changes, and her personality comes out, I often wonder what our first child would have been like. Would they have had the incredibly busy personality of Kayla, or would have have been more laid back like their dad?
Time does heal. Life does move on. The pain does get less. But the loss is still there.
There is still an ache, a hole in my heart that no baby will ever fill. There is a hope-a promise-that I will meet my baby someday-when all tears will be wiped away-where we will know no pain-where I will get to run to them, hug them, kiss them and tell them how much I love them.
During that time in my life-my prayers were not answered like I had hoped. Our baby was not spared this side of eternity. I wasn't able to hold him/her in my arms.
My heart hurts for the people that have gone through this once, twice, three times. My heart hurts for the people I know that still have barren wombs. Why, I cry out, why? "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord..." It is so hard to see the blessings in the valleys. But they are there. We must look harder. We must open our eyes to the beauty of life that has been given to us. We must trust and live in that hope and peace.
I was admitted into ER on April 29, last year for what would turn out to be an emergency surgery while I was 21 weeks pregnant. Another incredibly fearful time in my life. Another opportunity to either trust in the one who held my future, or turn my back on him.
That time, our prayers were answered like we prayed. My life, and Kayla's life were spared. God was not finished with us yet. Our time here on earth was not supposed to end. There is a reason for that.
Am I living with that in mind? I hope I never loose sight of the gift of life. Being so close to death, and the death of one child, and almost another, you gain a new perspective on life.
It is a gift. Each day is a gift.
An opportunity to make a difference, to share the light and love of Christ to those around me. May I never forget that. May I be thankful for each day that has been gifted to me. Not to me, but to Your name, be the Glory!
My mind has been a little empty lately. Well, not empty, I guess, because I'm not a guy. I can't just think about "nothing." I don't have a "nothing" box. :) I guess I have been feeling a little down lately. Hormones? Lack of sleep? Absent husband (since he's been studying so much for his Professional Engineering test)?
I couldn't figure out why, and then I did a double take at the calendar.
April. Ah, April. You have not been so kind to us the past two years!
We lost our first child on April 6, 2009. There are many thoughts out there about miscarriages. Some people choose not to share that they have lost children, some share freely. I am one that talks about it. It is a part of my life, a part that has forever changed me. It is a child of mine that I will someday meet.
My heart aches for my little one this time of year. Now, having another child, one "on the ground" makes me miss my baby more. As Kayla grows and changes, and her personality comes out, I often wonder what our first child would have been like. Would they have had the incredibly busy personality of Kayla, or would have have been more laid back like their dad?
Time does heal. Life does move on. The pain does get less. But the loss is still there.
There is still an ache, a hole in my heart that no baby will ever fill. There is a hope-a promise-that I will meet my baby someday-when all tears will be wiped away-where we will know no pain-where I will get to run to them, hug them, kiss them and tell them how much I love them.
During that time in my life-my prayers were not answered like I had hoped. Our baby was not spared this side of eternity. I wasn't able to hold him/her in my arms.
My heart hurts for the people that have gone through this once, twice, three times. My heart hurts for the people I know that still have barren wombs. Why, I cry out, why? "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord..." It is so hard to see the blessings in the valleys. But they are there. We must look harder. We must open our eyes to the beauty of life that has been given to us. We must trust and live in that hope and peace.
I was admitted into ER on April 29, last year for what would turn out to be an emergency surgery while I was 21 weeks pregnant. Another incredibly fearful time in my life. Another opportunity to either trust in the one who held my future, or turn my back on him.
That time, our prayers were answered like we prayed. My life, and Kayla's life were spared. God was not finished with us yet. Our time here on earth was not supposed to end. There is a reason for that.
Am I living with that in mind? I hope I never loose sight of the gift of life. Being so close to death, and the death of one child, and almost another, you gain a new perspective on life.
It is a gift. Each day is a gift.
An opportunity to make a difference, to share the light and love of Christ to those around me. May I never forget that. May I be thankful for each day that has been gifted to me. Not to me, but to Your name, be the Glory!
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Passion, or Not?
I sometimes wonder if I get too passionate about certain things in life.
Do I sometimes get passionate about something, and take off running with the idea, only to find it not coming to fruition. I wonder-did I pray much about it? Did I pray to see if it was God's passion for me to pursue, or if it was just "my" passion?
I am passionate about passion. I think we all need to live with a little bit more passion. I think we all get caught up too much in our daily lives. I think we forget what we are even passionate about.
I think even if we do remember what we are passionate about, sometimes we don't take the time for it. Sometimes we do, only to fall flat on our face. Sometimes we don't know how to pursue our passions. Sometimes we don't make it a priority.
Yes, there is always someone out there who has it worse off (hello-can we say Japan?), but that doesn't mean the feelings I have aren't worth having. So I type. (Sorry, I am getting side tracked from my "marriage" blogging.)
P-A-S-S-I-O-N
Purposeful
Actions
Simply
Seeking t0
Inspire
Others
Not to bring glory to myself-but to God!
Are you living a life full of passion? Am I? Or am I lukewarm, numb to life around me, going through the motions. Am I taking time to pursue my passions? Am I passionate about what God wants me to be passionate about?
What if I feel as if I am passionate about something that I feel He is passionate about too, and then I get a "no," a "wait." Those are the hard questions, because for those questions, we often don't have answers.
Passion. Confusion. Dissapointment. Excitement. Contentment. Peace.
Do I sometimes get passionate about something, and take off running with the idea, only to find it not coming to fruition. I wonder-did I pray much about it? Did I pray to see if it was God's passion for me to pursue, or if it was just "my" passion?
I am passionate about passion. I think we all need to live with a little bit more passion. I think we all get caught up too much in our daily lives. I think we forget what we are even passionate about.
I think even if we do remember what we are passionate about, sometimes we don't take the time for it. Sometimes we do, only to fall flat on our face. Sometimes we don't know how to pursue our passions. Sometimes we don't make it a priority.
Yes, there is always someone out there who has it worse off (hello-can we say Japan?), but that doesn't mean the feelings I have aren't worth having. So I type. (Sorry, I am getting side tracked from my "marriage" blogging.)
P-A-S-S-I-O-N
Purposeful
Actions
Simply
Seeking t0
Inspire
Others
Not to bring glory to myself-but to God!
Are you living a life full of passion? Am I? Or am I lukewarm, numb to life around me, going through the motions. Am I taking time to pursue my passions? Am I passionate about what God wants me to be passionate about?
What if I feel as if I am passionate about something that I feel He is passionate about too, and then I get a "no," a "wait." Those are the hard questions, because for those questions, we often don't have answers.
Passion. Confusion. Dissapointment. Excitement. Contentment. Peace.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Love Happens
This past weekend, I was able to attend a marriage conference at our church. I was quite challenged, inspired and encouraged in so many ways. I even missed two sessions (of which I can't wait to watch!)
So, I have decided that I put things to better memory when I write about them. So for my next few blog entries, I am going to be writing about what was taught. Many of these thoughts will be mine, many will not. I hope to be as honest as I can though, and I thank you for going through this journey with me!
Love Happens
Why did you get married? Why do you want to be married? What is the purpose of marriage?
91% say it is for Love
88% say it is for companionship
82% say it is to signify a lifelong commitment
The list goes on. So most of us get married because we are "in love" with our significant other. I'll be the first to admit that I didn't fully understand what that "love" meant. I'm still working on it! I do know that love is a choice, it's an action. Not a feeling. This is why marriage so often ends in disillusionment and failure, because people say they "fall out of love." This happens if love is a feeling. I can't stop CHOOSING to love. How I am choosing to love Ben? Am I? On a daily basis?
Are they choosing to love? Choosing to unconditionally receive their spouse?
Some of my favorite quotes from this chapter:
1. Marriage is not primarily about you.
2. It is just as important to become the right person as it is to find the right person.
3. The one you married is the one with whom you are to make a life
4. The ultimate purpose of marriage is to reflect God's image.
5. Marriage is a covenant-a permanent promise-not a contract
6. Marriage is more than a device to suit our own needs; it exists for a bigger purpose.
We are selfish people. It doesn't take long for the "honeymoon" phase to wear off and then we start to wonder what our spouse is or isn't doing to keep us happy. If they will do their part, then I will do mine. If he will just honestly talk heart to heart with me, then maybe I'll....
Marriage isn't about us. It's about giving 100% to the one God has give to us. It's not about "if you do this, then I'll do that." It is about making a statement, together, about the God of this universe. It is about bringing glory to God. We are married for a higher purpose, for a higher calling.
Is this what I think about when I don't feel as if my needs are being met? When Ben gets home from being at work all day, and I'm tired because it's been a long day on my end? You bet not! I wonder, "why can't he just know what I need and do it for me, don't I deserve it?"
Ah, how our selfish culture gets inside our brains! Marriage is not about me. It is about embracing the God-given differences he's built into each of us and receiving Ben as God's incredible gift to me!
What does that mean? To unconditionally receive Ben? That means I shouldn't have any expectations on him, right? I shouldn't "expect" that he know what I need or want, or expect that he should do this or that. It means I receive him as God's gift, as he is. Not receive him in hopes to change him. Receive him. Period.
If Ben was to know that I see him as God's gift for a lifetime, how would that change the way I relate to him?
So, I have decided that I put things to better memory when I write about them. So for my next few blog entries, I am going to be writing about what was taught. Many of these thoughts will be mine, many will not. I hope to be as honest as I can though, and I thank you for going through this journey with me!
Love Happens
Why did you get married? Why do you want to be married? What is the purpose of marriage?
91% say it is for Love
88% say it is for companionship
82% say it is to signify a lifelong commitment
The list goes on. So most of us get married because we are "in love" with our significant other. I'll be the first to admit that I didn't fully understand what that "love" meant. I'm still working on it! I do know that love is a choice, it's an action. Not a feeling. This is why marriage so often ends in disillusionment and failure, because people say they "fall out of love." This happens if love is a feeling. I can't stop CHOOSING to love. How I am choosing to love Ben? Am I? On a daily basis?
Are they choosing to love? Choosing to unconditionally receive their spouse?
Some of my favorite quotes from this chapter:
1. Marriage is not primarily about you.
2. It is just as important to become the right person as it is to find the right person.
3. The one you married is the one with whom you are to make a life
4. The ultimate purpose of marriage is to reflect God's image.
5. Marriage is a covenant-a permanent promise-not a contract
6. Marriage is more than a device to suit our own needs; it exists for a bigger purpose.
We are selfish people. It doesn't take long for the "honeymoon" phase to wear off and then we start to wonder what our spouse is or isn't doing to keep us happy. If they will do their part, then I will do mine. If he will just honestly talk heart to heart with me, then maybe I'll....
Marriage isn't about us. It's about giving 100% to the one God has give to us. It's not about "if you do this, then I'll do that." It is about making a statement, together, about the God of this universe. It is about bringing glory to God. We are married for a higher purpose, for a higher calling.
Is this what I think about when I don't feel as if my needs are being met? When Ben gets home from being at work all day, and I'm tired because it's been a long day on my end? You bet not! I wonder, "why can't he just know what I need and do it for me, don't I deserve it?"
Ah, how our selfish culture gets inside our brains! Marriage is not about me. It is about embracing the God-given differences he's built into each of us and receiving Ben as God's incredible gift to me!
What does that mean? To unconditionally receive Ben? That means I shouldn't have any expectations on him, right? I shouldn't "expect" that he know what I need or want, or expect that he should do this or that. It means I receive him as God's gift, as he is. Not receive him in hopes to change him. Receive him. Period.
If Ben was to know that I see him as God's gift for a lifetime, how would that change the way I relate to him?
Thursday, March 10, 2011
KovandaKreations
I have found a new passion! Flower accessories for any age!
I would love to make a custom color/size for a girl in your life, or a flower for you or someone you know that would enjoy one! All flowers are detachable, so you can mix and match!
I can make any combination of any colors (headbands and flowers!) I can also make bracelets with the flower as an attachment.
Headbands with one flower $16.95 (shipping included) Flower (without bling) $6.95 (shipping included) Flower (with bling) $7.95 (shipping included)
I would love to make a custom color/size for a girl in your life, or a flower for you or someone you know that would enjoy one! All flowers are detachable, so you can mix and match!
I can make any combination of any colors (headbands and flowers!) I can also make bracelets with the flower as an attachment.
Headbands with one flower $16.95 (shipping included) Flower (without bling) $6.95 (shipping included) Flower (with bling) $7.95 (shipping included)
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Inspired
Inspire: To fill with an animating, quickening, or exalting influence
Today was filled with many thoughts and emotions. The one that rises to the top, after all the dust settles though, is inspiration.
I started off the day with only about 4 hours of total sleep last night. So, my emotions were a little raw to being with. :)
I went to the half marathon knowing I wouldn't set foot on the course. Yet, walking up to get my number and t-shirt filled me with some feelings of disappointment. So close, yet so far away.
As we gave Dave his high 5's as he ran past us after the start, I wanted to just jump on the course and run next to him like we have been training for the past 3 months. I could almost feel the rush of the start-because I could imagine myself out there in the mix of the people.
I felt like I had just deserted a friend. He was nothing but supportive of the decision I had to make to not run the race, but still. There he went-off to run 13.1 miles on his own. Had the roles been reversed, I'm not so sure I would have completed that on my own. As we ran together during our training, we always talked about how much easier it is to run when you have someone with you!
The sun shone, the rain fell, the wind blew, and the anticipation grew as two hours rolled by. We began to watch for Dave and his lime green shirt. As we waited, and anticipated his arrival around the bend, I just couldn't stand there any more. I had to go meet him and bring him in.
So I dropped my coat, and took off to find him. In my jeans, no less. I couldn't just let him finish it alone.
I met him just after mile 12. There he was, trucking along. Still going. After running 12 miles on his own. It was the least I could do to bring him in for his last 1.1 miles.
As we neared the finish line, Shelby was snapping pictures, mom was cheering, and Dad (who was holding Kayla) was running the last few feet with us. All the while, cheering Dave to the finish line.
He did it. All 13.1 miles of it. On his own. If that is not inspiring, I'm not sure what is.
Was it hard, to not be out there? Yes. Do I regret the decision I had to make. Not at all. I know that is what I needed to do.
Did it inspire me all the more to want to do it someday. YES! I can not wait for the green light to run again.
Thanks Dave, for conquering that race today. Thanks Shelby, for being his biggest fan and supporting him in training these past 3 1/2 months. Thanks Ben, for supporting me in the time of training I had. Thanks Dad and Mom, for being so supportive of all of us no matter what it is we are doing (or not able to do-for those encouraging words, Dad).
Thanks Dave for doing it even without your training buddy. Thanks for inspiring me! I'm glad I had some pears and strawberry jello dessert for you to eat afterwards. :)
I'll wait a few days before I ask you if you want to do it again, and that time, I WILL be running at your side!
Today was filled with many thoughts and emotions. The one that rises to the top, after all the dust settles though, is inspiration.
I started off the day with only about 4 hours of total sleep last night. So, my emotions were a little raw to being with. :)
I went to the half marathon knowing I wouldn't set foot on the course. Yet, walking up to get my number and t-shirt filled me with some feelings of disappointment. So close, yet so far away.
As we gave Dave his high 5's as he ran past us after the start, I wanted to just jump on the course and run next to him like we have been training for the past 3 months. I could almost feel the rush of the start-because I could imagine myself out there in the mix of the people.
I felt like I had just deserted a friend. He was nothing but supportive of the decision I had to make to not run the race, but still. There he went-off to run 13.1 miles on his own. Had the roles been reversed, I'm not so sure I would have completed that on my own. As we ran together during our training, we always talked about how much easier it is to run when you have someone with you!
The sun shone, the rain fell, the wind blew, and the anticipation grew as two hours rolled by. We began to watch for Dave and his lime green shirt. As we waited, and anticipated his arrival around the bend, I just couldn't stand there any more. I had to go meet him and bring him in.
So I dropped my coat, and took off to find him. In my jeans, no less. I couldn't just let him finish it alone.
I met him just after mile 12. There he was, trucking along. Still going. After running 12 miles on his own. It was the least I could do to bring him in for his last 1.1 miles.
As we neared the finish line, Shelby was snapping pictures, mom was cheering, and Dad (who was holding Kayla) was running the last few feet with us. All the while, cheering Dave to the finish line.
He did it. All 13.1 miles of it. On his own. If that is not inspiring, I'm not sure what is.
Was it hard, to not be out there? Yes. Do I regret the decision I had to make. Not at all. I know that is what I needed to do.
Did it inspire me all the more to want to do it someday. YES! I can not wait for the green light to run again.
Thanks Dave, for conquering that race today. Thanks Shelby, for being his biggest fan and supporting him in training these past 3 1/2 months. Thanks Ben, for supporting me in the time of training I had. Thanks Dad and Mom, for being so supportive of all of us no matter what it is we are doing (or not able to do-for those encouraging words, Dad).
Thanks Dave for doing it even without your training buddy. Thanks for inspiring me! I'm glad I had some pears and strawberry jello dessert for you to eat afterwards. :)
I'll wait a few days before I ask you if you want to do it again, and that time, I WILL be running at your side!
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