This day always is a reminder to me of the little one I won't get to hold this side of heaven.
With a heavy heart, though, I have much peace knowing I WILL meet that sweet baby someday. I often wonder if it was a boy or a girl.
It's amazing to me that I could have a three year old running around. I think the thing that is hardest, is the little things that remind me of them. I will never forget that precious life, and as Kayla grows old, I often wonder what he/she is like. Especially with Kayla's younger sister on the way.
I have learned to not be defined by the loss of this child, though, but to embrace all he/she has taught me. There is a reason for everything that happens, and I have tried to learn all I can from that bittersweet time in life.
One thing I am constantly reminded of, is what a blessing life is. Each day we get is a blessing. We don't deserve the next breath we take, and yet, we complain about....
My kid having one of "those" days
The dinner I burned on the stove top
My husband not getting home on time
The promotion I should have gotten
Feeling like I haven't accomplished anything all day being a stay at home mom
The cold we've had forever
The time we just don't get to ourselves anymore
The dates we don't get
The spouse we are still waiting for
Family and friends that just drive us crazy sometimes
And the list goes on. I'm just as much to blame as the next person. I'm not pointing fingers here! I struggle with these things too.
"Do everything without complaining and arguing..."
"Be Thankful"
That sweet child is a reminder to me of those verses.
Surly if God is able to use a child I have never held in my arms to teach me some of those lessons I need to learn, I am forever grateful.
So with a heavy heart today, I still hold my head high and am thankful for knowing that precious life in a way I would have never imagined. I know there are so many of you in the same boat. So many that have had to endure this pain, and for that, I am sorry. Please know you are not alone!
Until I hold you in heaven...love you Baby K!
